holding onto spring - by Lilian Caylee - beauty and terror

i’m back and as existential as ever

San Pancho (San Francisco), Mexico I’m back after a much-needed extended holiday from real (hello, 13-year-old Lil, painting in art class, listening to Jack’s Mannequin on my silver and blue walkman). While walking along the ocean with two friends, I listened to them discuss their future — the things they’re working toward and the lives they imagined for themselves, next year, in two years, in ten. The house they plan to buy. The children they plan to have. They have ambitious desires, involving attaining a certain net worth, certain material acquisitions, certain beauty standards. Their…

saved by

• Emily Hu
• Amir
• Jaclyn
• Eric Zhang
• Eli Qian
• Bo Lau
• Hangyul Lyna Kim
• Nina Khera
• Uzay Girit
• Jodi Sy
• Tiffany Yong

related reading

• holding onto springliliancaylee.substack.com
• living the life you believe instartingfromnix.com
• "am I wasting my 20s?"nicoles.substack.com
• Keeping Your Options Open is Ruining Your Lifemnqrls.substack.com
• starting over and overnicoles.substack.com
• the life you were meant to livepersonalcanon.com
• The inner worldcybermonk.substack.com
• Hand on my heart,mindslice.substack.com
• ꜱᴘᴇɴᴄᴇʀ ᴄʜᴀɴɢ ༶ a normal 2025spencer.place
• life worth livingidlygrazing.substack.com
• Keeping Your Options Open is Ruining Your Lifesubstack.com
• choose the life you already havesubstack.com