flâneur

anhedonia | writing

masonjwang.com · 1,137 words · saved by 6 readers

I keep thinking it’s the worst feeling precisely because it refuses to be a feeling.

​1. Lately I keep misplacing my appetite for things—not hunger, exactly, but the part of me that yearns and desires. I was surprised to learn there’s a word for the emptiness: anhedonia . They say it comes in two parts: consummatory (can you feel pleasure now?) and anticipatory (can you anticipate pleasure of the future?). They say that the latter is most linked to suicide. I believe them. On the days I’m doing better, it’ll still find a way to drift in, slipping past me and sitting where the color should be. Sometimes it puts on a mask of dread ( what are you going to do with your life, and w

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