flâneur

002: Writing as Self-Flagellation - Under reconstruction...

ashleydzhang.substack.com · 748 words · saved by 3 readers

I want my writing to make me bleed.

Dear friend, Please forgive me if everything I write sounds like vacuous, wordy swagger. Nothing from my heart is philosophically sound. I used to write because it brought me joy; now I write because it hurts not to. Is the absence of pain the same as pleasure? I try not to dwell on this question because I’m scared of the answer. I’ve wanted to be a writer for so long—or so I’ve told myself—that I do not know who I’d be if I no longer desired it. I cannot call myself a writer for the same reason I shy away from the label of “intellectual”—it feels like a title that must be earned, not one…

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