flâneur

Emotional Relapse and Next Steps - smitch + co.

smitch.substack.com · 956 words · saved by 1 readers

I decided earlier this year that I’m not going to allow myself to be an experience anymore, but it’s easier in theory than practice. That type of resolution requires boundaries that I’m still learning how to build. Rejection is my trigger, and I get overwhelmed trying to understand how infinite choice can be ethically applied to relationships, particularly in cases where I am not the one doing the choosing. Giving someone else that much power over me, knowing how it affects me, how it will make me feel, seems counterintuitive. When I leave a situation, I often tell myself that the person was using me, or that they were about to. It pedestalizes me, making it easier to walk away at any time. Calculating utility is how people strategize their decisions, and so if someone is deciding to not have me around, my utility was not high enough. People are allowed to decide they do not want you in their life. There have already been a few people this year who’ve justified my exit strategy reasoni

I decided earlier this year that I’m not going to allow myself to be an experience anymore, but it’s easier in theory than practice. That type of resolution requires boundaries that I’m still learning how to build. Rejection is my trigger, and I get overwhelmed trying to understand how infinite choice can be ethically applied to relationships, particularly in cases where I am not the one doing the choosing. Giving someone else that much power over me, knowing how it affects me, how it will make me feel, seems counterintuitive. When I leave a situation, I often tell myself that the person…

saved by

related reading