flâneur

Completely letting go of control - by Sasha Chapin

sashachapin.substack.com · 2,502 words · saved by 1 readers

Recently I’ve written a whole bunch about meditation, and my meditation life, about how the recent era of my consciousness has been beautiful, fascinating, etc. I’ve realized that these accounts have not captured the fact that it was also disorienting and strange, especially during the last year. In my experience, once you dip your toe into the deep waters of contemplative practice, things start to get very weird. And yet, at every step, there is an underlying recognition that something is worth pursuing, that there is a deeper significance here. And, if you’re lucky, the weirdness is pleasant, too. So here’s this alternate account. Last year, I gradually lost touch with the feeling that I was in control of my life. Like: increasingly, it seemed clear that my feelings of “control” and “agency” didn’t necessarily pertain to any real control. It no longer seemed like my “will” was freely chosen. Instead, I began perceiving existence as a naturally unfolding process, in which I am a parti

Recently I’ve written a whole bunch about meditation, and my meditation life, about how the recent era of my consciousness has been beautiful, fascinating, etc. I’ve realized that these accounts have not captured the fact that it was also disorienting and strange, especially during the last year. In my experience, once you dip your toe into the deep waters of contemplative practice, things start to get very weird. And yet, at every step, there is an underlying recognition that something is worth pursuing, that there is a deeper significance here. And, if you’re lucky, the weirdness is…

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