flâneur

on hungry ghosts - by Ava - bookbear express

ava.substack.com · 3,018 words · saved by 1 readers

1. Hungry ghosts If you don’t stop it never gets better. I know you think that if you keep clinging until your hands are bloody you can change the conditions of the game. It doesn’t work like that. The game is rigged and you keep losing. This is for you if you’ve ever paced around your apartment at an hour you should be asleep, propelled by the frantic need to do something again and again. Waiting for a text then waiting for the next text. Eating an entire pack of Oreos, then moving onto the pizza you ordered on Doordash at 1 AM. Buying and buying and buying. Carefully monitoring the level of alcohol left your glass, worried it’ll run out, worried that something will get between you and your fix.

If you don’t stop it never gets better. I know you think that if you keep clinging until your hands are bloody you can change the conditions of the game. It doesn’t work like that. The game is rigged and you keep losing. This is for you if you’ve ever paced around your apartment at an hour you should be asleep, propelled by the frantic need to do something again and again. Waiting for a text then waiting for the next text. Eating an entire pack of Oreos, then moving onto the pizza you ordered on Doordash at 1 AM. Buying and buying and buying. Carefully monitoring the level of alcohol left…

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