flâneur

why all this music?!? - by vincent huang

substack.com · 1,409 words · saved by 1 readers

Fear is just a foggy lens, and anger is just love under enormous pressure, love contorting itself, throwing its voice, disguising itself in order to go undetected where do i begin? i hardly know where to start, because part of me has been the way i am for as long as i can remember - reserved, stern, a bundle of nerves held together by anxious wires strung too tightly perhaps find me at age eight, when my friends at school were the other kids interested in math contests, when friendship was primarily about outscoring other people and feeling jealous when i couldn’t. i did not yet understand what it meant to like someone or care about them, and i did not yet realize that one person’s gain did not need to be another person’s loss, and i could not know at the time that it would take a decade and transcontinental flights and going off to college to finally escape the shadows of those relationships maybe catch me at age eleven, with an older sister slipping in and out of depression and paren

Fear is just a foggy lens, and anger is just love under enormous pressure, love contorting itself, throwing its voice, disguising itself in order to go undetected where do i begin? i hardly know where to start, because part of me has been the way i am for as long as i can remember - reserved, stern, a bundle of nerves held together by anxious wires strung too tightly perhaps find me at age eight, when my friends at school were the other kids interested in math contests, when friendship was primarily about outscoring other people and feeling jealous when i couldn’t. i did not yet understand…

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