flâneur

Love is to be invested in someone’s continual expansion

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This is one of the joys and challenges of love: the more skillfully you love someone, the more held, encouraged, and accepted they feel, the more they change.

This is the fifth part of a series on relationships begun with “Looking for Alice” (which is about how I met my wife Johanna), “Dostoevsky as lover” (about our early years together), “Relationships are coevolutionary loops,” and “When I accept myself as I am, I change.” Kiss on a Swing at a Street Fair, Brassaï (Gyula Halász), c. 1936 When we moved to the farm on the island, Johanna and I had been together for eight years, had a 3-year-old in tow and a second one on the way, but were despite this still kids, basically. For example, we had, for no reason at all, assumed that there’d be…

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