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Alfie Kohn on Incentives and Parenting (Aaron Swartz: The Weblog)

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‘Apologize.’ my mom would say to me. ‘What? ‘Say you’re sorry.’ ‘But I’m not.’ ‘Come on, Aaron — just say you’re sorry.’ ‘But that would be a lie! I’m not going to lie.’ ‘Say you’re sorry or [bad thing will happen to you].’ ‘This is absurd! How is forcing me to lie going to solve anything?’ Perhaps it was destined I would find Alfie Kohn. I remember, the first time I heard of his book, I thought its contents were so obvious that I didn’t bother to read it. But Alfie Kohn is far from obvious. In fact, he’s downright radical. And yet there he is, up on Stanford’s stage, a completely packed crowd, cameras all around him (he’ll be putting the talk on DVD). ‘This is the ultimate in behaviorism!’ he screams. ‘Thinking a child is going to feel sorry just because you make him say he’s sorry? The only thing that’s going to do is teach the child to lie about his feelings!’ Kohn paces across the stage, jumping in the air, waving his arms, and screaming for emphasis. He has so much energy he looks

Alfie Kohn on Incentives and Parenting (Aaron Swartz: The Weblog) Alfie Kohn on Incentives and Parenting ‘Apologize.’ my mom would say to me. ‘What? ‘Say you’re sorry.’ ‘But I’m not.’ ‘Come on, Aaron — just say you’re sorry.’ ‘But that would be a lie! I’m not going to lie.’ ‘Say you’re sorry or [bad thing will happen to you].’ ‘This is absurd! How is forcing me to lie going to solve anything?’ Perhaps it was destined I would find Alfie Kohn. I remember, the first time I

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