flâneur

January in Review - by Ebie Bao and Kai-Lin Wei

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K: lately, my therapist has taken to saying at the end of our sessions, “thank you for showing up for yourself today.” i try not get scared every time she says it, because i always think she’s going to stop at thank you for showing up. everybody in my life knows i hate showing up. to therapy, yes, but also to parties, dinners, coffee chats, doctor’s appointments, my job, my weekend plans, my errands. i take six weeks to refill a prescription and then six weeks more to pick it up. beginning at dawn, i lay in bed paralyzed, bargaining and pleading silently with myself for one, two, three hours that if i get up, i’ll get to have a nice breakfast at the office. if i get up, i’ll get to spend my afternoon swiveling to and fro in my chair, leaning over to exchange client anecdotes and laugh with my coworkers, all of us young, indefatigably cheery, talented orators—the only prerequisites for the job we work. if i get up, my favorite american city will be there to greet me the moment i’m out t

Dark Thrill of the Eclipse (2019) by Rui Ricardo K: lately, my therapist has taken to saying at the end of our sessions, “thank you for showing up for yourself today.” i try not get scared every time she says it, because i always think she’s going to stop at thank you for showing up. everybody in my life knows i hate showing up. to therapy, yes, but also to parties, dinners, coffee chats, doctor’s appointments, my job, my weekend plans, my errands. i take six weeks to refill a prescription and then six weeks more to pick it up. beginning at dawn, i lay in bed paralyzed, bargaining and…

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