flâneur

the irony of wanting love - Espresso & Essays

rinzingyangzom.substack.com · 607 words · saved by 1 readers

there’s something cruel about how the mind can trick you into believing you’re too much, even in the exact moment you have everything you’ve ever said you wanted. the relationship is good, the love is steady, the person is there, but somewhere inside, a small voice keeps whispering: you’re too much. you know that voice too well. it’s the one that flares up when life gets heavy, when you’re unraveling, when you should reach for comfort but instead choose distance. you’ve spent years teaching yourself how to survive alone. when things collapsed, it was you who picked up the pieces. when the nights got unbearable, it was you who found a way to sleep. when the silence grew loud, you learned how to fill it with anything that didn’t require depending on someone else. so now, when love asks you to lean, you freeze. leaning feels like weakness. asking feels like sin. and so you push away. not because you don’t love, but because you don’t know how to love like this. not with someone who wants t

there’s something cruel about how the mind can trick you into believing you’re too much, even in the exact moment you have everything you’ve ever said you wanted. the relationship is good, the love is steady, the person is there, but somewhere inside, a small voice keeps whispering: you’re too much. you know that voice too well. it’s the one that flares up when life gets heavy, when you’re unraveling, when you should reach for comfort but instead choose distance. you’ve spent years teaching yourself how to survive alone. when things collapsed, it was you who picked up the pieces. when the…

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