flâneur

little bets - by kel - the (un)comfy corner

kellychong.substack.com · 2,069 words · saved by 1 readers

I used to heavily identify with being a ‘do-er.’ In one of my university application essays I was asked to list three words that people in my circle would use to describe me, and among them was do-er. This meant whatever I said I would do, I always followed through with it. I realized though this was only true when it came down to not disappointing other people. In my executive positions with clubs and organizations, I tried so hard to be the perfect president, perfect VP, or perfect designer. I only ever followed through with my commitments when it meant not doing so would be of detriment to my teammates. My motivation for completing tasks was driven by fear of reputation loss; the fear that if I slipped up even once, it would be disingenuous, cause a disruptive rift in my identity, and disappoint others. I was so tunnel-visioned on not disappointing others that I began neglecting my personal life and goals, perhaps disappointing the very person that mattered most—myself. I realized I

the proof is in the pudding I used to heavily identify with being a ‘do-er.’ In one of my university application essays I was asked to list three words that people in my circle would use to describe me, and among them was do-er. This meant whatever I said I would do, I always followed through with it. I realized though this was only true when it came down to not disappointing other people. In my executive positions with clubs and organizations, I tried so hard to be the perfect president, perfect VP, or perfect designer. I only ever followed through with my commitments when it meant not…

related reading