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Does Buddhist detachment allow for a healthier togetherness? | Aeon Essays

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Lovers crave intensity, Buddhists say craving causes suffering. Is it possible to be deeply in love yet truly detached?

Humans are social animals. We live in groups. We care for our offspring for years. We cooperate with each other (the United States Congress notwithstanding). Most of all, we have lasting relationships with other individual humans – what biologists call long-term pair bonds. Some of these pair bonds, you’ve surely noticed, are healthier than others. That’s where the field of relationship science comes in. Relationship scientists study how to build and maintain strong, intimate relationships. We perform laboratory experiments to understand the factors that make a relationship flourish or…

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