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My Recursive Existential Search for Meaning - by Amy Deng

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Are you a nihilistic hedonist?

During my 20+ hours of writing and rewriting this essay, I kept questioning whether it is going anywhere. What is the point of these existential reflections? Frustrated, I looked outside my window. I saw dressed-up friend groups going to “thirsty-Thursdays” and excited crowds coming back high from Lauv’s concert. Wanting to pamper myself, I devoured a slice of fruit cake at 2 am. If happiness is so simple, why bother contemplating hard questions? What is the meaning of thinking about the meaning of life? Savoring the cake, I caught myself spiraling into a “last man” like monologue. The…

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