flâneur

Editing "the buzzing in my head" - Substack

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listening to doechii on dissect — she talked about how she started to post one song/rap every day to document her journey and to keep a streak and to believe in herself and not delete what she was posting she ended up forgetting about it some of the songs now made it big when fans found them and ended up also going on her mixtape that won her a grammy so maybe doing these essays in so much vulnerability isn’t that bad after all but i’m not doechii and who knows if i’ll be seen in the way she is do i have it in me to keep facing myself over and over again well i have a 100% track record so far and i trust myself enough — so probably yes but what if i get complacent are my priorities in order should i not be thinking so much about fashion and makeup and self expression i love to collect things and buy things. is that going to get me in trouble am i living on the edge too much in the name of self-expression, am i ruining my future? does “all-in” mean to just do The Thing .. all the time?

Below you will find my unedited thoughts – messy, circular, unfiltered. There's truth in letting thoughts exist in their raw state. The sudden jumps, the loops of worry, the contradictions... this is what change actually feels like from the inside. In these raw moments, between the certainty and doubt, lives the real story of what it means to grow. i need to email ____ i think she will be great for analogue i’m not working out enough i need to sign up for hot yoga every day for the rest of the week am i giving myself enough grace? i had a surgical procedure last week and have another…

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