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How I Attained Persistent Self-Love, or, I Demand Deep Okayness For Everyone

sashachapin.substack.com · 4,536 words · saved by 14 readers

In my life, there have been roughly two important psychological changes. The first was from being a suicidal bipolar person to being a reasonably functional person. The second, which happened over the last year, was finding something that you might call persistent self-love, or self-assurance, or, as I like to call it, Deep Okayness1. Deep Okayness is not the feeling that I am awesome all the time. Instead, it is the total banishment of self-loathing. It is the deactivation of the part of my mind that used to attack itself. It’s the closure of the self as an attack surface. It’s the intuitive understanding that I am merely one of the apertures through which the universe expresses itself, so why would I hate that? It’s the sense that, while I might fuck up, my basic worth is beyond question—I have no essential damage, I am not polluted, I am fine. I have never felt better. And it’s only now that I’m aware of how much time I wasted despising myself, even when I was most functional. It wa

How I Attained Persistent Self-Love, or, I Demand Deep Okayness For Everyone it is possible to feel better than you think Sasha Chapin Jan 16, 2022 638 47 56 Share Note: a big chunk of the second half of this essay has been temporarily excised. In my life, there have been roughly two important psychological changes. The first was from being a suicidal bipolar person to being a reasonably functional person. The second, which happened over the last year, was finding something that you might call persistent self-love, or self-assurance, or, as I like to call it, Deep Okayness 1 . Deep Okayness is

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