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REBT and Relationship Conflict - Albert Ellis Institute

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Let’s face it – relationships aren’t easy. Conflict between partners is unavoidable, and it can bring up a whole slew of unhealthy negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, and hurt. Relationships can also provide us with love and security, and a companion with whom to walk through life. So how do we deal with conflict in order to reap the many benefits of relationships? The first step is to understand that our partners are not creating our distress – we are. This is not to say that self-blame is the answer, but instead taking ownership of our reactions and accepting ourselves for having them. REBT posits that we create our own emotional disturbances, and our demands and shoulds about our partners and relationships lead to our unhealthy emotions, cognitions, and behaviors. Some of these demands might be: 1) My relationship must be perfect, or it’s not worth keeping, 2) My partner should agree with me on everything, 3) Solutions that work for me personally must also work for us as a cou

by Monica Shah, M.Ed. Let’s face it – relationships aren’t easy. Conflict between partners is unavoidable, and it can bring up a whole slew of unhealthy negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, and hurt. Relationships can also provide us with love and security, and a companion with whom to walk through life. So how do we deal with conflict in order to reap the many benefits of relationships? The first step is to understand that our partners are not creating our distress – we are. This is not to say that self-blame is the answer, but instead taking ownership of our reactions and accepting ours

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