flâneur

Attila Matisse

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on the atlas — 6

highlights — 18

  • Starting [at a young age] he’s read everything that he
    Curius / Onboarding
  • If they’re not, maybe you should DM that cool-seeming Twitter person, sublet with a friendly acquaintance, or bond over a mutual love of feral cats—because after all, without true and lasting friendships, who would have the courage tell us when we were being annoying on the internet?
    So…How Do Adults Make New Friends? | Vogue
  • My quest for new friendships almost feels like dating, something I’m meh at yet very enthusiastic about, except that I don’t have a great frame of reference for what “success” would look like.
    So…How Do Adults Make New Friends? | Vogue
  • Try: Ron: How was your flight? Carlos: I’d be more intrigued by an airline where your ticket price was based on your body weight and IQ. Beverly: It’s hot today. Gino: In this dimension, yes. Riz: What’s up? Keil: Washing your chicken just splatters the bacteria everywhere.
    How to Turn Small Talk Into Smart Conversation
  • Leapfrog over the expected response
    How to Turn Small Talk Into Smart Conversation
  • Break the mirror When small talk stalls out, it’s often due to a phenomenon we call “mirroring.” In our attempts to be polite, we often answer people’s questions directly, repeat their observations, or just blandly agree with whatever they say.
    How to Turn Small Talk Into Smart Conversation
  • Try . . . “What’s your story?” “What did you do today?” “What’s the strangest thing about where you grew up?” “What’s the most interesting thing that happened at work today?” “How’d you end up in your line of work?” “What does your name mean? What would you like it to mean?” “What was the best part of your weekend?” “What are you looking forward to this week?” “Who do you think is the luckiest person in this room?” “What does this house remind you of?” “If you could teleport by blinking your eyes, where would you go right now?”
    How to Turn Small Talk Into Smart Conversation
  • Ask for stories, not answers One way to get beyond small talk is to ask open-ended questions. Aim for questions that invite people to tell stories, rather than give bland, one-word answers.
    How to Turn Small Talk Into Smart Conversation
  • Good taste is what will guide you to doing effective things, instead of pointless things, in college. But it’s also really hard to develop good taste while in college, because you have no models of good taste except for academics.
    College advice for people who are exactly like me
  • it didn't allow a full test of the hypothesis that the same kinds of individual differences observed in infants might be manifest among adults.
    Pocket - A Brief Overview of Adult Attachment Theory and Research : R. Chris Fraley
  • about 60% of adults classified themselves as secure (paragraph B), about 20% described themselves as avoidant (paragraph A), and about 20% described themselves as anxious-resistant (paragraph C).
    Pocket - A Brief Overview of Adult Attachment Theory and Research : R. Chris Fraley
  • Third, whether an adult is secure or insecure in his or her adult relationships may be a partial reflection of his or her experiences with his or her primary caregivers.
    Pocket - A Brief Overview of Adult Attachment Theory and Research : R. Chris Fraley
  • Second, if adult romantic relationships are attachment relationships, then the way adult relationships "work" should be similar to the way infant-caregiver relationships work. In other words, the same kinds of factors that facilitate exploration in children (i.e., having a responsive caregiver) should facilitate exploration among adults (i.e., having a responsive partner). The kinds of things that make an attachment figure "desirable" for infants (i.e., responsiveness, availability) are the kinds of factors adults should find desirable in romantic partners. In short, individual differences in …
    Pocket - A Brief Overview of Adult Attachment Theory and Research : R. Chris Fraley
  • According to Hazan and Shaver, the emotional bond that develops between adult romantic partners is partly a function of the same motivational system--the attachment behavioral system--that gives rise to the emotional bond between infants and their caregivers.
    Pocket - A Brief Overview of Adult Attachment Theory and Research : R. Chris Fraley
  • First, if adult romantic relationships are attachment relationships, then we should observe the same kinds of individual differences in adult relationships that Ainsworth observed in infant-caregiver relationships.
    Pocket - A Brief Overview of Adult Attachment Theory and Research : R. Chris Fraley
  • According to her research, at least three types of children exist: those who are secure in their relationship with their parents, those who are anxious-resistant, and those who are anxious-avoidant.
    Pocket - A Brief Overview of Adult Attachment Theory and Research : R. Chris Fraley
  • My answer is that if you tolerate too much half-heartedness, it’s probably because you’re half-hearted. As in: anxious and ambivalent, looking for reassurance. As in: bored, along for the ride, not really sure about your own feelings and opinions. As in: external locus of control vs internal locus of control. You probably don’t have anything in your life that really tethers you to yourself—you don’t have conviction about what you love, so you’re hoping that someone else will provide you that certainty.
    Pocket - how to avoid half-heartedness
  • So: if the person you like likes you back, you can probably tell. If you’re not sure they like you, they’re almost certainly half-hearted or conflicted or lukewarm.
    Pocket - how to avoid half-heartedness