flâneur

My six stages of learning to be a socially normal person

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a slow progression

The other day, someone told me, “I can’t imagine you ever being awkward with people.” And I thought, oh God, yes, say it to me again, again, put it in my veins. Tell me I’m a natural performer. There are no sweeter words. Because of course the absolute opposite is true. I’ve tried so hard to learn how to connect with people. It’s all I ever wanted, for so long. I can still remember the pain of my youth, when the brightness of my experience felt like a wasted gift, a rude excess, without anyone to meet me in it. And I remember how many years of deliberate practice were required to secure…

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