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To listen well, get curious

benkuhn.net · 1,365 words · saved by 28 readers

When I’ve listened the most effectively to people, it’s because I was intensely curious—I was trying to build a detailed, precise understanding of what was going on in their head.

source A common piece of interacting-with-people advice goes: "often when people complain, they don't want help, they just want you to listen!" For instance, Nonviolent Communication : ✻ ✻ Nonviolent Communication , ch. 7. It is often frustrating for someone needing empathy to have us assume that they want reassurance or “fix-it” advice. Active Listening : † † Active Listening , p. 2 Similarly, advice and information are almost always seen as efforts to change a person and thus serve as barriers to his self-expression and the development of a creative relationship. You can find similar advice

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