“Aw Man”: Penn Student Not Sure What to Do About Epstein Files - Under the Button

To further probe this issue, Under the Button has reconvened our Comedy Think Tank.

REPORT: Penn freshman Daniel Smith (C’27) recently announced he’s not sure what he’s gonna do about the Epstein files. This revelation came after his morning Twitter scroll, where Daniel learned an evil syndicate of billionaires were having sex with/ dismembering/ eating children for decades, photographing much of it. Daniel also discovered that Epstein may have caused the 2008 recession, along with Brexit, which he remarked was "also bad." Alarmed, Daniel decided to attend a local protest. After five minutes of protesting, he went home feeling “kind of bad about the whole world.” A recent…

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