friendship should be easy

After moving internationally three times in the past five years, one thing I know to be true is that you can’t stay close to everyone you want to. Research proves it. British anthropologist Robin Dunbar’s theory “holds we can only really maintain about 150 connections at once” (BBC). If you have more than 150 people in your close circles, his work maintains that you’ll need to make room for new ones. “People migrate in and out of these layers, but the idea is that space has to be carved out for any new entrants.” (BBC) I’ve always found some comfort in Dunbar’s number because it validated the overwhelm I feel trying to keep up with all the lovely people I’ve met throughout my life, that I genuinely like and want to be close to, but just simply can’t. Even knowing this, for a long time I felt deep shame when a friendship ended. When I first moved out of the US, some of my friendships changed. I’m sure to my friends I felt distant, emotionally and physically, as I tried to figure out my

After moving internationally three times in the past five years, one thing I know to be true is that you can’t stay close to everyone you want to. Research proves it. British anthropologist Robin Dunbar’s theory “holds we can only really maintain about 150 connections at once” (BBC). If you have more than 150 people in your close circles, his work maintains that you’ll need to make room for new ones. “People migrate in and out of these layers, but the idea is that space has to be carved out for any new entrants.” (BBC) I’ve always found some comfort in Dunbar’s number because it validated the