The hidden costs of masking for women with ADHD and autism | Aeon Essays

is a clinical psychologist based in Atlanta who specialises in neurodiversity and emotion regulation. She is the author of Allow Me to Interrupt: A Psychologist Reveals the Emotional Truth Behind Women’s ADHD (2025). Edited byPam Weintraub Listen to this essay 22 minute listen ‘Do you have the 20 bucks you promised me for gas?’ I twisted the key in the ignition. The staccato heaving of my electric blue Chrysler PT Cruiser competed with Anita’s rustling through her floppy purse. ‘Ugh, I must’ve forgotten it. Surely, that’s OK. I’ll just – ’ I started gasping for air. After weeks of forcing a state of calm collectedness, my body finally rebelled. My voice: ‘Surely that’s OK?!’ (First, mocking.) Then, loud, raspy and unrecognisable: ‘It’s not fucking OK.’ From my blurry periphery, Anita’s arm stretched to touch my shoulder. She often did that to ground someone. I watched my arm swat hers and yank the cushioned steering wheel. The fuzzy purple dice hanging from the rearview mirror that my

is a clinical psychologist based in Atlanta who specialises in neurodiversity and emotion regulation. She is the author of Allow Me to Interrupt: A Psychologist Reveals the Emotional Truth Behind Women’s ADHD (2025). Edited byPam Weintraub Listen to this essay 22 minute listen ‘Do you have the 20 bucks you promised me for gas?’ I twisted the key in the ignition. The staccato heaving of my electric blue Chrysler PT Cruiser competed with Anita’s rustling through her floppy purse. ‘Ugh, I must’ve forgotten it. Surely, that’s OK. I’ll just – ’ I started gasping for air. After weeks of forcing a st