Reframing “I need to change who I am” to “I can add to who I am”

In a performance review several years ago, my manager sat me down, took a deep breath, and gave it to me straight: “You’ve got to be friendlier. It doesn’t matter if you’re the smartest person in the room if nobody likes you.” It wasn’t the first time I’d heard that kind of suggestion. For most of my career I’ve gotten feedback on how to change myself to be more successful.