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Playing in the ruins - by Sasha Chapin

sashachapin.substack.com · 1,037 words · saved by 2 readers

What is the worst thing that could happen? When I was 20, it was being a mediocre writer. My whole existence was bent around the goal of being one of the greats. I was aiming for some combination of Samuel Beckett and David Foster Wallace. None of that happened. I am now a mediocre writer, by some reasonable standards. The thing that couldn’t possibly occur, did occur. I’m not a David Foster Wallace. I’m not even a Scott Alexander! Astonishingly enough, I remain alive, and happy with what I do. When this happens—when expectation breaks down, and you are living in a shipwreck of your expectations—a precious state of being can dawn, if you’re lucky. This is the state of Playing In The Ruins. You’re not seeing the landscape around you as something that needs to transform. You’re just seeing it as the scrapyard it is. And then you can look around yourself and say, okay, what is actually here, when I’m not telling myself constant lies about what it’s going to be one day. Who am I actually,

Playing in the ruins shipwrecks Sasha Chapin Jan 19, 2024 249 25 32 Share What is the worst thing that could happen? When I was 20, it was being a mediocre writer. My whole existence was bent around the goal of being one of the greats. I was aiming for some combination of Samuel Beckett and David Foster Wallace. I wanted to impress girls carrying New Yorker totes and be interpreted by nervous scholars. None of that happened. I am now a mediocre writer, by some reasonable standards. The thing that couldn’t possibly occur, did occur. I’m not a David Foster Wallace. I’m not even a Scott Alexander

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