13 things I know about Shame - by Evan Hu - Wrinkly Figs

If guilt is about what we do, shame is about what we are. Guilt is “I did something bad”; shame is “I am bad”. Shame is a deeper emotion than guilt. It is of fear - the fear of being bad at your very core. Shame originates with criticism, condemnation, and rejection of ourselves, by ourselves. Even when other’s words come first, our belief in the words births shame. This inner critic, while a part of us, is shaped by childhood environments, power structures, systemic messaging, and other social/historical roots. Shame is sometimes related to fear of failure, in which you have not separated self-worth from your performance, and sometimes, it is fear of rejection, in which you have rejected parts of yourself and seek to fill the gaps with external validation. Shame can be resistant to logical arguments or external validation because it's not about the facts, it's about the judgment we've already passed on ourselves and the fear that feeds it. Shame can disguise itself as perfectionism, w

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• Shruti Das