dear bear: the secretary problem - by Ava

I’m in a happy relationship with my girlfriend of five years yet engagement scares me. We have a great relationship and few problems, yet I can’t help but wonder/realize that there are infinite other relationships I could be having. Some of them which would be equally good/better. How do you deal with the secretary problem as someone who is an optimizer? I know the famous advice blog post ‘the truth that lives here’ with the advice ‘just leave’ but that doesn’t feel right either—we have something great. Part of me thinks the issue is that I should commit more, the other part is scared to commit more and make an irreversible mistake. Dear Bear, Effort is most useful when correctly directed. I think everyone knows people who underoptimize (people who are really great and desirable who end up in bizarrely bad situations), as well as people who overoptimize (awesome, lovable people who are like, yeah, I went on 200 dates this year and I didn’t like a single person). You, Bear, want to be s

I’m in a happy relationship with my girlfriend of five years yet engagement scares me. We have a great relationship and few problems, yet I can’t help but wonder/realize that there are infinite other relationships I could be having. Some of them which would be equally good/better. How do you deal with the secretary problem as someone who is an optimizer? I know the famous advice blog post ‘the truth that lives here’ with the advice ‘just leave’ but that doesn’t feel right either—we have something great. Part of me thinks the issue is that I should commit more, the other part is scared to commi