(un)conditional - by Elaine - manners & mystery

It’s been a year since I’ve scrolled through a dating app. A lot has happened in this time: I met some of my closest friends, explored polyamory, and revived a relationship from the past. My conception of love has also evolved pretty substantially. Many people think of love as an amalgamation of feelings. When you’re in love with someone, you feel a certain way. It’s the butterflies in your stomach, the percussive heartbeat in Taylor Swift’s “Wildest Dreams.” But if love is such a powerful force in the world, how could it be a bundle of feelings? Feelings are fleeting. Feelings are mercurial. Less exciting, but more agentive, I prefer to think of love as a choice. It’s the decision to give someone your care and attention and resources, a decision that must be made over and over and over again. This is why love can be unconditional. Even if your partner or child did something unconscionable, you might feel horrified, angry, disappointed—but you could still love them because you still ch

It’s been a year since I’ve scrolled through a dating app. A lot has happened in this time: I met some of my closest friends, explored polyamory, and revived a relationship from the past. My conception of love has also evolved pretty substantially. Many people think of love as an amalgamation of feelings. When you’re in love with someone, you feel a certain way. It’s the butterflies in your stomach, the percussive heartbeat in Taylor Swift’s “Wildest Dreams.” But if love is such a powerful force in the world, how could it be a bundle of feelings? Feelings are fleeting. Feelings are mercurial.