i have friends, i definitely have friends
The last time I was in the flat by myself all evening, I had good intentions. I wanted to cook something special, burn incense, finish a new essay on here, maybe even dig out the first draft of my novel and try not to viscerally hate it. At 6pm I ran myself a bath, which I usually like, but it felt strange and vulnerable when I was the only person in the flat, lying naked in a broth of diluted soap and my own grime. There was a shadow of black mould on the bath sealant a few inches away from my nose which was probably creeping into my lungs, wet and indelible on their pink lining. My brain felt stagnant, a pond craving the splash of a pebble, begging for ripples and waves. I wasn’t entirely sure I had physical borders, that I didn’t blur at the edges, that I wasn’t escaping through a gap in myself. After my bath, I watched four episodes of Baby Reindeer back-to-back on the sofa while chain-eating Ryvita crackers. I panicked that AI was going to destroy the world, and read some articles
Explore this link on the map →