manic functionality - by April Qiu Cheng - winter in april

lately when i get off work i feel manic. i’m so exhausted i can’t think but my mind is still racing; it’s freezing outside and in the face of the wind biting into the skin of my face, i feel exhilarated it’s my first week in germany, and i am diving straight into the deep end of my research. it’s my first paper-and-pencil project, and my work feels infinitely more satisfying than the long haul of fixing bugs and writing and making figures that i’ve been stuck on for my previous project. and in fact, i am diving straight into the deep end of functional adulthood in general: i opened my first own bank account, completed my first address registration, apartment hunted for the first time, budgeted tightly for the first time—because my fellowship stipend is lower than the median rent in berlin—all in a foreign country where i don’t speak the language. i can’t pay for the gym or german classes but i’m still running and doing pull-up reversals from the top of my clothes cabinet, and i’m still

lately when i get off work i feel manic. i’m so exhausted i can’t think but my mind is still racing; it’s freezing outside and in the face of the wind biting into the skin of my face, i feel exhilarated it’s my first week in germany, and i am diving straight into the deep end of my research. it’s my first paper-and-pencil project, and my work feels infinitely more satisfying than the long haul of fixing bugs and writing and making figures that i’ve been stuck on for my previous project. and in fact, i am diving straight into the deep end of functional adulthood in general: i opened my first ow