All the nerds are dead - by Sam Kriss - Numb at the Lodge

It’s been about a decade since we killed all the hipsters. The last genocide ever perpetrated against white people. There are mass graves, still, just outside the major cities, places we don’t really want to think about: heaped thousands of hipster skeletons, each still wearing the tufts of its big lumberjack beard, sealed forever in artisanal wax. We lashed the hipsters to their fixies and herded them off a cliff. We burst into the Vice offices in Old Street and hacked them to bits with machetes. We put botulism in all the PBR. We made the hipsters kneel down in front of a wall. Wait, the hipsters said, you don’t have to do this, I’m not really a hipster, there’s actually no such thing as a hipster. That’s great, we said. If you’re not a hipster, then this is not happening to you. And then we pulled the trigger. We had to do it, you understand. These people left us with no choice. They were very, very annoying. Now, innocent people sometimes wonder where all the hipsters went. They we

saved by

• Casey Manning
• Sadhika Akula
• Ninfa Huamani Altuna