You Had Me At A Glance

My wife Debbie and I met in 1984 when I was 22 and she was 21, brought together through a series of improbable and random events including, notably, my first glance at Debbie’s face. There are more substantial foundations for a relationship than an instant perception of beauty. But at that time in my life, no other spark could have created such a fierce and relentless desire. In middle school, I’d overheard a girl say about me, “how could anyone possibly be more ugly?” That pronouncement was not just an indictment, but a verdict from which I had no appeal. It took nearly a decade for me to release myself from the conviction that I was hideous to look at. So I had a long history of shyness and doubt around girls. And even when my self-confidence was restored, I thought I’d never be worthy of the love of a beautiful girl. I would have been unable then to articulate what beauty meant to me, but thinking back now on my teenage crushes––Olivia Newton-John, Stevie Nicks, and Lindsay Wagner (

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• Jenny Duan