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Social anxiety isn't about being liked - by Chris Lakin

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There's this popular idea that socially anxious folks are just dying to be liked. It seems logical, right? Why else would someone be so anxious about how others see them? And yet, being socially anxious tends to make you less likeable…they must be optimizing poorly, behaving irrationally, right? Maybe not. What if social anxiety isn’t about getting people to like you? What if it's about stopping them from disliking you? Consider what can happen when someone has social anxiety (or self-loathing, self-doubt, insecurity, lack of confidence, etc.): They stoop or take up less space They become less agentic They make fewer requests of others They maintain fewer relationships, go out less, take fewer risks… If they were trying to get people to like them, becoming socially anxious would be an incredibly bad strategy. So what if they're not concerned with being likeable? To understand the object of an obscure plot, observe its consequences and ask who might have intended them… —Harry Potter and

Social anxiety isn't about being liked Chris Lakin May 16, 2025 430 15 62 Share There’s this popular idea that socially anxious folks are dying to be liked. Why else would someone be so anxious about how others perceive them? And yet, being socially anxious tends to make you less likeable… so they must be behaving really irrationally, right? example Maybe not. What if social anxiety isn’t about getting people to like you? What if it's about stopping them from dis liking you? When someone feels insecure, they get to stoop and take up less space, become less agentic, make fewer requests of other

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