if we weren't meant to dance, then why all this music?

Hello and happy new year. 2023 at various points was really joyful, really heartbreaking, imaginative, fulfilling, listless, focused. A few notable things from this week: today is my official last day at my job I spent close to 3 years at. I’m starting a new job next week. I moved into a new apartment. I deactivated instagram and facebook for this period of focus. I fell back in love with writing, the feeling of cream paper on the skin of my hand. I spent the first few days of 2024 flattening cardboard boxes and getting absorbed into books. I read until 3 am yesterday and all the lights outside died quietly to the words of Benjamín Labatut’s The Maniac. Outside my window, the birds make concentric circles in the sky like a ballet. The heartbeats of all my old lives echo through me still. I first felt a deep, anchoring, sense of solitude when I graduated college. That feeling has grown in the years since then. I always feel it most starkly at the helm of a new year. It’s not loneliness

Hello and happy new year. 2023 at various points was really joyful, really heartbreaking, imaginative, fulfilling, listless, focused. A few notable things from this week: today is my official last day at my job I spent close to 3 years at. I’m starting a new job next week. I moved into a new apartment. I deactivated instagram and facebook for this period of focus. I fell back in love with writing, the feeling of cream paper on the skin of my hand. I spent the first few days of 2024 flattening cardboard boxes and getting absorbed into books. I read until 3 am yesterday and all the lights outsid