feeling it all - by Ava - bookbear express

If I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: feel it all without numbing it out. I grew up experiencing my emotions as overwhelming and dangerous, and it’s taken a long time for me to learn how to hold them. I realize now that by default I’ve been avoidantly attached not just to people but to the world. When I was a kid, I was always so afraid of being trapped—that I would be stuck living in Surrey, that I’d always be bored, that nothing would ever be thrilling or glamorous. I was scared that I would fail my classes and wouldn’t get into a good college and would never get a job. I was scared that no one would ever like me back or kiss me. I was always clenched, anxious. My emotions were so intense, they felt like they would destroy me. So I learned how to hold them at a distance until they felt safe. I didn’t know that in doing so, I was blunting my own ability to feel joy. When I think back now, it’s clear that my perspective was colored by shame. I believed that my ne

If I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: feel it all without numbing it out. I grew up experiencing my emotions as overwhelming and dangerous, and it’s taken a long time for me to learn how to hold them. I realize now that by default I’ve been avoidantly attached not just to people but to the world. When I was a kid, I was always so afraid of being trapped—that I would be stuck living in Surrey, that I’d always be bored, that nothing would ever be thrilling or glamorous. I was scared that I would fail my classes and wouldn’t get into a good college and would never get a job