friendship is maintenance. In the first few months of reaching out… | by Emily | Medium

In the first few months of reaching out to people, I had an overly simplistic view of friendship. I thought that the most crucial part in making friends online was the initial 1-on-1 video call, and that the relationship would naturally develop from there. And so, I applied the same formula to almost everyone I reached out to: send them a cold message complimenting their work, ask to set up a call, and talk for about an hour during the call. After engaging in this pattern for several months though, I’ve noticed a pattern: for most people who I’ve met, our relationship fizzles immediately after the 1-on-1 call. I have little to no communication with the person afterwards, unless there’s a compelling reason for me to contact them. Upon noticing this phenomenon I’ve begun to wonder: what’s the point? What’s the point of meeting people and talking to them for an hour or so, and both of us continuing to live our own lives afterwards as if the initial conversation never happened? Now I reali

In the first few months of reaching out to people, I had an overly simplistic view of friendship. I thought that the most crucial part in making friends online was the initial 1-on-1 video call, and that the relationship would naturally develop from there. And so, I applied the same formula to almost everyone I reached out to: send them a cold message complimenting their work, ask to set up a call, and talk for about an hour during the call. After engaging in this pattern for several months though, I’ve noticed a pattern: for most people who I’ve met, our relationship fizzles immediately after