holding onto spring - by Lilian Caylee - beauty and terror

I’m back after a much-needed extended holiday from real (hello, 13-year-old Lil, painting in art class, listening to Jack’s Mannequin on my silver and blue walkman). While walking along the ocean with two friends, I listened to them discuss their future — the things they’re working toward and the lives they imagined for themselves, next year, in two years, in ten. The house they plan to buy. The children they plan to have. They have ambitious desires, involving attaining a certain net worth, certain material acquisitions, certain beauty standards. Their lives are predicated upon the belief that satisfaction, perhaps even happiness, is found through these pursuits, this climbing of ladders, and getting to the very top. And that, to them, is the very meaning of life. They know, it seemed, what they want in life, and they’re well on their way to achieving those things. In the words of my favorite coach, “clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.” Of course, there is always the possibility that

saved by

• Eric Zhang
• Rona Wang